27 September 2012

Here I Go... Again

This isn't my first rodeo.

Remember MySpace? Yeah. MySpace. (some of y'all may need to Google it) My first blog was there. I started writing little posts there after the USMC stationed us in California at Camp Pendleton. I didn't have any great ideas for what I posted there; it was a place to post updates for family and close friends and it served it's purpose well. After a while, I wrote a few things outside of family updates and was encouraged to start a blog. (no, I don't know what's wrong with some people)

Enter blogger.

My first real blog underwent several name changes before I settled on a title that encompassed what I wanted my blog space to portray. I never did like the name (which I'm not mentioning, but many of you will remember it) I won't try to convince you this was a great blog, it was mediocre, at best. However, after a year, I had a great fan base of stalkers excited to see what nonsensical garbage I would post next. Believe me, when I tell you it was nonsensical garbage, I'm not trying my hand at modesty or humorous self deprecation. It was crap.

Somewhere along the the way I lost myself and I lost my voice... eventually coming to the conclusion that I never "had" my voice to begin with. I was a new Military Wife, a daughter, a niece, the (somewhat outspoken) wife and daughter-in-law of some seriously God fearing folks and I was terrified to really post the things I wanted to post. I feared judgement. Not so much from my family, they know me and love me in all of my quirkiness. I feared judgement from the Military Wives, The Command, and the God fearing in-laws and their church friends if they ever managed to accidentally stumble across my blog.

I tried my best to keep posting for those who had stuck it out and remained loyal readers over the years. But, in the end, I couldn't keep up the act and my blog died. No, it didn't die. I can't in honesty say it was ever alive. It was like a firecracker that got wet and refuses to light. My blog was positively a dud.

I stopped blogging. I don't remember if I said goodbye or not. I just stopped.

It only took me a few months to decided that I was going to blog again.This time would be different and better. Not "new and improved" (I cannot understand that phrase. It's either new or it's an improvement. Pick one damn it.) Just better. It would be me. It was there that I found my first taste of blogging success and I loved it.

My new blog was completely anonymous. I wrote whatever I chose to write about and I experienced a freedom that I loved. My format was simple and each post was posted over the previous post so as to not have an archive. Some readers were frustrated by this style, but I found most loved the mystery behind it and decided to stick around to see what would come next. Some people absolutely hated me. I was okay with that. I blogged anonymously for about three years to an incredible fan base that grew to over 4,500 readers. For someone like me, that was pretty amazing.

So, why am I here with a somewhat successful anonymous blog?

I don't think I have an honest answer as to why - I just am. It's not that I'm looking for recognition, I'm cool without it. I'm not looking to make another family update blog, that's why I have Facebook. I think the most honest guess from me as to why, is simply that I want my voice to actually be my voice, not that of some anonymous person.

Some of y'all will have read my previous public blog and some of y'all I emailed from my subscriber list on my anonymous blog to let you know I'm coming here, so y'all will pretty much know what to expect from me. Thanks for hanging around and thanks for coming by - I hope you'll stay.

For those of y'all coming in new:
welcome! I won't make any promises about what you'll find here. I'm quirky, a smartass, and a little outspoken. I'm a terrible speller, my grammar is poor, I'm inconsistent, and I refuse to have a blog niche. I don't proof my posts before I post them, I've found that in doing so I start second guessing what I wrote and end up changing too much and my post ends up lost. I think about random things all the time and that's what I tend to write about - random stuff that's on my mind. Posts won't always come out at regular intervals, I procrastinate much and mixing that with ADD often gets me nowhere fast. I do know that what you'll read here will be me and I'll do my best to keep my reservations to a minimum.

Stick around for a minute or two, I'll grow on you.